


An Unforgettable Chalkeon

by DemoPhone



Category: Deltarune (Video Game), The Simpsons
Genre: F/F, Jokes, Parody, Steamed Hams, Very Loose Shipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemoPhone/pseuds/DemoPhone
Summary: Noelle plans to make a good first impression for her crush, Susie. To do this, she invites her over for lunch. On such a nice day, what could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Noelle Holiday & Susie, Noelle Holiday/Susie (Deltarune)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	An Unforgettable Chalkeon

The trees, streets, and houses of Hometown stood ever clear in the spotlight of the bright, summer sun. It was the perfect Saturday for a picnic or get together, and several of the townsfolk took full advantage of it. Of these townsfolk, there was Susie: the big bad bully of the Hometown school. She had received word from Kris, the quiet human in town, that she had been invited to the Holidays’ home for lunch. Upon arriving at their home, she rang the jingle bell doorbell and waited for just a moment. In time, Noelle answered the door, wearing a gingerbread monster patterned apron and her sweetest possible face. 

“Well, Noelle, I made it-” Susie said, “despite Kris’s directions.”

“Ah, my dear friend Susie. Welcome-” Noelle responded, running her hand through her blond hair, “I hoped you’re ready for one unforgettable meal.”

“Yeah…” Susie replied. 

She entered the house and made her way to the dining room with Noelle. A single small table lined with a white cloth sat with two wooden chairs across from one another at the right side of the room. As Susie took a seat at the table, she placed her orange Rush soda inside the ice bucket that rested on the center of the table. Noelle opened the door to her kitchen to check on her roast. She gasped out loud at the sight of the smoke which was now rapidly escalating from the oven door. She had been roasting a few small chickens in the hopes of making a good impression for her crush. She rushed over and flung open the door. She saw that each of the chickens were severely burnt, with several of them catching on fire as the door was opened. 

“Oh my gosh!” Noelle spoke aloud to herself, putting one hand to her head, “my roast is ruined.” Amidst her stress and panic, Noelle caught sight of the Hometown school from the adjacent window. She walked over to it, leaving the small flock of smoldering chickens to continue burning away inside the oven. 

“But what if I were to run out to the school and grab something that I know Susie eats…” Noelle whispered as she began to chuckle slightly, “deliciously diabolical, Noelle.” She quickly opened the window, took off and placed her apron on the side of the still active oven, and began climbing outside. Just as she had one leg out the window, the door on the other side of the room opened, and in walked Susie. 

“Ah-” Susie started to say before stopping at the sight before her eyes. Although there was no one else around, it seemed as though a theme song could be heard to go along with the ridiculous sight. 

“Dah-dah-dah-dah! Noelle with her lame and poor excuses. Susie’s gonna be dealing out some bruises. When she hears Noelle’s trivial ruses. There’ll be trouble in Hometown tonight!”

“Noelle!” Susie shouted, her eyes narrowing at the sight of her attempted escape. 

“Susie!” Noelle responded in a befuddled manner, “I was just- uh, just polishing my hooves on the windowsill. Gotta keep ‘em in nice and good shape. Can I get you something?” Noelle pretended to brush and wipe off her hooves on the windowsill as Susie continued to stare. Her eyes eventually focused on the still fuming oven. 

“Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Noelle?” Susie asked, her eyes fixated on the ever-increasing amount of smoke emanating from the oven door. 

“Uh- Oh. That isn’t smoke. It’s steam. Steam from the steamed flock we’re having.” Noelle answered, rubbing her stomach to go along with what she was saying, “Mmm. Steamed flock.” Susie looked at her for another moment with her eyes suspiciously narrowed. She eventually shook her head and walked back into the dining room, closing the door behind her. 

“Whew,” Noelle spoke aloud, wiping the sweat off her forehead. Now that the coast was clear, she quickly climbed out the window and ran her way to the school. One could have heard each of her footsteps getting higher in cartoon-like pitches the further away she got. Within time, she made it back to her home with the freshly obtained lunch substitute. The dining room door opened as Noelle entered with what was now her and Susie’s lunch on a silver platter. 

“Susie, I hope you’re ready for some mouth-watering chalk,” Noelle said with a welcoming smile upon her face. Susie stared at her with a blank expression, wondering if this was a joke of some sort. 

“I thought we were having a steamed flock?” Susie replied in confusion as one of her eyebrows raised. 

“Oh no, I said steamed chalk,” Noelle responded with a straight face, placing the platter piled with white chalk down on the table, “Whipped up right from the family cookbook.” Susie continued to stare at her, perplexed. 

“Your family has a recipe for steamed chalk?” she questioned as Noelle took her seat. 

“Yes,” Noelle said as calmly as possible, “It’s been passed down for many generations.”

“Uh-huh,” Susie said with a look of raw disbelief in her face, “Uh, how long exactly?”

“Uh, a couple hundred years at least,” Noelle responded as casually as she could. 

“Really?” Susie replied, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes, “I don’t think chalk was even that readily available back then nor has it ever been a delectable food.”

“Well,” Noelle spoke, running her fingers nervously against one another on the tabletop, “if someone as special as you has eaten it, then I’m sure it must be a fine thing to eat.” Susie looked at her skeptically but then looked down at the platter. 

“… whatever,” Susie replied, shaking her head slightly. She took a piece of chalk from the platter and bit into it. It snapped in half, flicking small particles of white powder onto the front of the table as it did so. As Susie crunched the powdery calcite, her expression started to shift again. 

“You know,” Susie said, inspecting the remaining piece of chalk in her hand, “this chalk tastes awfully similar to the kind they have at school.” A drop of sweat formed on Noelle's forehead, but she quickly hid it away with some forced laughter. 

“Oh, no. Patented Holiday chalk,” Noelle said with forced enthusiasm, “Old family recipe.” 

“For steamed chalk,” Susie spoke, her eyes narrowing as she detected blatant rubbish in Noelle’s meal and statements. 

“Yes,” Noelle said, trying to play it cool. 

“Yes,” Susie said questionably, pointing her piece of chalk towards Noelle, “And you call it steamed chalk despite the fact that it is obviously not even cooked at all.” 

“Ye-,” Noelle started to say before realizing that could not deny or excuse that claim, “You know, the- I really- This isn’t- Pardon me for a moment.”

“Sure,” Susie replied. She took another bite of the chalk, allowing Noelle to excuse herself from the room and to the kitchen. As she opened the door, the room was now so full of smoke that it was almost pitch-black. Fortunately, Susie was too preoccupied eating her next bite of chalk to notice. After taking a moment to clear her thoughts and hope that Susie had forgotten about her previous claim, she entered back into the dining room. 

“Ah, yes, that was nice,” Noelle said, falsely stretching her arms above her head, “That chalk really hit the spot, and I’m beat.” Susie looked out the front window to see that it was nearly dusk. 

“Yeah. I should probably be-” Susie began to say before realizing the adjacent room filled with smoke. Noelle had left the door open and it had taken too long to close itself. “Holy crap! What is happening in there?” Susie spoke, standing upright and pointing towards the kitchen door. Noelle looked at the door as an anxious punch was thrown to her heart. In desperation, she looked back at Susie and said the first thing that popped into her mind. 

“A dark world spontaneously formed in that room,” Noelle quickly responded as a cover up. 

“Uh- a dark world spontaneously formed?” Susie said in complete disbelief, “At this time of day, in this part of town, within your level of awareness, localized entirely within your kitchen?” 

“Yes,” Noelle directly answered, keeping complete eye contact as she did so. 

“May I see it?” Susie asked genuinely, her eyes easing their tension. Noelle’s eyes moved away as she contemplated her answer. 

“No,” she promptly replied. The two punctually exited the front door of the house as they heard a voice call down to them from above. 

“Noelle!” Noelle’s mother called out from upstairs, “The house is smoking up!” Noelle looked up and put her hand next to her mouth as she spoke, ensuring her response would be heard. 

“No mother,” Noelle calmly spoke, “that’s just the dark world.” She looked back at Susie who looked at her with a face of unfiltered honesty. 

“Well, Noelle, you’re a quirky individual,” Susie said, “but I must say you steam some good chalk.” She smiled at Noelle and then began walking down the pathway to the entrance gate of the Holidays’ property. The voice upstairs yelled out into the open, causing Susie to turn around to investigate. 

“Help!” Noelle’s mother yelled as smoke now flowed out of the upstairs windows, “Help!” Despite the call for help, Noelle was too fixated on making sure she made a good impression for Susie. She gave Susie a thumbs up and cute sendoff smile. Susie looked for a moment, but then turned around and continued back towards town, unsure of what to make of what she had just heard and seen. All that she could make of the whole event was that Noelle had quite the skill at steaming chalk. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Just a short and simple parody of the infamous “Steamed Hams” scene from The Simpsons. This is my first posted work for AO3. I know it is not particularly original, but I thought it might make readers laugh. Since this is just a one scene point-for-point parody, I did not make the writing itself super detailed. If I do any other works in the future that are more original, then they will likely have much more detail (at least by comparison). Feel free to let me know what you think in the comments. I hope everything is going well for all of you in the times we are in!


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